The Feminine Genius for Tomboys: Reclaiming the Wholeness of Womanhood

“Feminine does not mean soft.”

I remember writing that line in my journal after a morning of spiritual wrestling. I had just finished listening to The Feminine Genius Collection on the Hallow App - for the third time—and this time, something clicked.

As a tomboy, a convert, and a woman who grew up thinking strength and femininity were at odds, I had questions. Not for the Church, but for myself.

Had I missed something essential about womanhood because I didn’t fit the mold?

Did being competitive, assertive, or mission-driven somehow disqualify me from what the Church calls the “feminine genius”?

I had been told—explicitly and subtly—that if I wanted to make it in this world, I needed to think like a man, work like a man, hustle like a man. And if I could master that, then I’d be equal. (I grow frustrated even as I write, thinking back to all the humiliating experiences I've had over the years as my womanhood was broken down and rebuilt to be more masculine. In fact, experiences are connected in rapid fire as God allows me to receive understanding. It brings tears to my eyes.)

But the truth is, women aren’t equal because we’re like men. We’re equal because God created each of us in His image. Period.

And that includes all the women who grew up with dirt under their nails, bruises on their shins, and a drive to conquer the world before breakfast.

Not Less of a Woman

For a long time, I believed I was less feminine because I didn’t love floral prints or dolls. With the exception of my Cabbage Patch Kids, my toy box contained leggos, Tonka trucks, softballs, nerf footballs, and model car sets, and rocks.

My default was action over ambiance, and logic over lace. I felt like a bit of a fraud next to women who glowed with domestic grace and Pinterest-worthy poise. They knew how to do their makeup and hair.

But the feminine genius isn’t about aesthetic. It’s not about how you decorate your home or how many kids you have. It’s not even about being “gentle” in the way we often picture it.

The feminine genius is a spiritual reality—a reflection of the eternal mystery of woman.

St. John Paul II describes it as the unique way a woman receives, nurtures, and brings life into the world—spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and yes, sometimes physically.

And once I started digging into it, I saw myself in it. Not in the version I thought I had to be—but in the one I already was.

Rewiring the Tomboy Brain

For many of us, embracing our femininity isn’t about putting on skirts. It’s about undoing decades of feedback that told us we had to be less female to succeed. That our natural tendencies to feel, to intuit, to sense deeply—were liabilities instead of gifts.

We were told to be tough. To speak up louder. To suppress emotion. To win, even if we had to harden ourselves to do it.

And some of that strength was good. Necessary, even.

But here’s the twist: God wired us for strength differently than men. Not lesser. Not weaker. But distinct.

And if we try to overwrite our design with someone else’s blueprint, we end up fragmented, burned out, and confused about who we really are.

So What Is the Feminine Genius?

Let’s talk about what this genius really is—and why it’s good news for tomboys, soft girls, and every woman in between.

💠 Receptivity

The feminine heart is open to receiving—not just physically (as in motherhood), but spiritually and emotionally. We are attuned to the people around us, and we make room for others in our lives. For tomboys who were raised to push forward, receiving can feel passive—but it’s actually a radical act of trust. It says, “I don’t have to control everything. It's okay - and NECESSARY - to let God and others can pour into me.”

💠 Sensitivity

This isn’t about crying at commercials (although no judgment if you do). Sensitivity means we pick up on emotional undercurrents. The vibe. We notice. We respond. We carry others’ hearts with compassion, not because we’re fragile—but because we’re fierce protectors of the vulnerable.

💠 Maternity

Maternity goes beyond motherhood. It is the spiritual capacity to nurture life—in people, ideas, relationships, and communities. I didn’t think I was maternal because I wasn’t into scrapbooking (hey it was BIG at the time). But I mentor. I lead. I coach. I build up. That’s also maternity.

💠 Intuition

Women just know things. It’s not magic—it’s how we’re made. We’re tuned in to subtleties and undercurrents. Vibes and energy. We often know what’s wrong before the facts line up. It's not sinful or creepy or witchcraft. It's a gift. It helps us care for souls, and the souls of others, not just manage situations.

💠 Generosity

Women pour out. Time, attention, energy. We give. Sometimes to our own detriment. But rightly ordered, generosity becomes our superpower. We don’t give because we have to. We give because it reflects the One who gave us everything.

💠 Fidelity

When a woman commits—she’s all in. In friendships, vocations, families, faith. We’re loyal, even when it’s hard. Even when the world says “you could do better.” We stay, we show up, we don’t give up easily. Learning how to temper this and find balance is the virtue that most of us tomboys need in our lives.

💠 Self-Giving

The feminine genius mirrors Christ’s love—not in domination, but in self-sacrifice. We lay ourselves down—not because we’re weak, but because we know that’s where love becomes real. Tomboys are wired to protect and serve—and self-giving love channels that instinct into eternity.

💠 Strength

Yes, strength. Not the kind that bulldozes, but the kind that endures. That carries others. That weeps with the broken and still keeps going. That holds fast to truth when it’s unpopular. That says yes to God even when it costs everything.

Feminine Genius Isn’t a Box—It’s a Framework

None of this is a checklist. You don’t need to tick every box to count. You’re not disqualified if you’re more loud than gentle, or more analytical than nurturing.

God doesn’t do templates. He does masterpieces.

And if your strengths lean more “masculine”? That’s okay. Masculinity isn’t the enemy—it’s the complement. The goal isn’t to erase your grit. It’s to root it in God’s design, so that it reflects Christ, not culture.

What makes us women isn’t our hobbies or style or volume level.

It’s that we were created female—and entrusted with a mission that only women can fulfill.

Tomboys Belong Here

So if you’ve ever felt out of place because you weren’t the sweet-tea-sipping type—welcome. You belong. Not in spite of your tomboy roots, but because of them.

God uses every part of who we are.

He uses our intensity, our insight, our leadership, our sense of justice. He uses our instincts to protect and to build, to challenge and to love.

And when we stop trying to mimic men—and start embracing the feminine genius—we don't become less powerful.

We become more whole.

Let’s Reclaim It

Let’s raise daughters who know that strength and softness aren’t opposites. Let’s teach women to lead like Mary and love like Christ. Let’s stop apologizing for being too much, and start celebrating the brilliance God wrote into our bones.

Because tomboy or not, if you are a woman—you are a wonder.

And the world needs your genius.

Want to take this deeper?💌 Book me to speak about how the Feminine Genius applies to women in today’s world—especially those of us who’ve always felt just a little out of place. Because you’re not out of place. You’re on holy ground.